I told you. All the men in my life die.
I’m not a man in your life, okay? You said so yourself. I’m a little shitpot.

(via genderfluidniall)


Hang with people like that and the world is a happier place.

The Fault In Our Stars by John Green (Page 280)

  • Hazel: Touch the cave wall.
  • Computer: You touch the cave wall. It is moist.
  • Isaac: Lick the cave wall.
  • Computer: I do not understand. Repeat?
  • Hazel: Hump the moist cave wall.
  • Computer: You attempt to jump. You hit your head.
  • Isaac: Not jump. HUMP.
  • Computer: I don't understand.
  • Isaac: Dude, I've been alone in the dark in this cave for weeks and I need some relief. HUMP THE CAVE WALL.
  • Computer: You attempt to ju-
  • Hazel: Thrust pelvis against the cave wall.
  • Computer: I do not-
  • Isaac: Make sweet love to the cave.
  • Computer: I do not-
  • Hazel: FINE. Follow left branch.
  • Computer: You follow the left branch. The passage narrows.
  • Hazel: Crawl.
  • Computer: You crawl for one hundred yards. The passage narrows.
  • Hazel: Snake crawl.
  • Computer: You snake crawl for thirty yards. A trickle of water runs down your body. You reach a small mound of rocks blocking your passageway.
  • Hazel: Can I hump the cave now?
  • Computer: You cannot jump without standing.
  • Isaac: I dislike living in a world without Augustus Waters.
  • Computer: I don't understand-
  • Isaac: Me neither. Pause.


A wonderful analogy.

(via kavto-m)

Happy 17 years of Harry Potter!

BEDS EMPTY! NO NOTE! CAR GONE— COULD HAVE CRASHED— OUT OF MY MIND WITH WORRY— oh Derek’s been de-aged, how very nice to see you dear, are you okay?
Melissa McCall tonight, probably  (via bleep0bleep)

(via hella-sirius)


The Eggplant Joke: Request from Anon

Trude, 18 from Northern Norway.

Come on, ask me shit!!